28 September 2003

[Rites of Passage ]

I've started using night cream, Lancome's Absolutely Night. My next step is eye cream; I'll probably by Clinique's All About the Eyes -- I tried a sample and loved it. Hopefully, the few bad sunburns I endured in my teenage years won't affect my skin too badly, but I'm not taking any chances. At least I've OFFICIALLY, FOR THE LAST TIME quit smoking. It's been four months, actually over four months, since I've had a cigarette. Luckily, I've had no problem being intoxicated (especially in bars and clubs) and sans cigarettes. I can fuck longer. I don't cough. My teeth glisten. And my skin looks so much better than it did a year ago. Yahoo for me! Also, I've become one of those annoying people who can't stand cigarette smoke. Sorry. Cloves and maryjane are the exception to the rule, though I only smoke the latter (but only occasionally nowadays).

28 September 2003

[Let's Get Ready to Rumble]

I think Whitney Houston is ready to battle it out for the title of Pop Star "Freak Show," which has been held by Michael Jackson for decades. Jeesh. What a crack head.

27 Septmber 2003

[Oh, this too: ]

JOHN, Please tell the business department at UC Hospital to stop calling your ex-girlfriend's apartment. You must have used my number instead of you own quite recently, as the phone calls started about a month or so ago. How weak of you. Your children should be ashamed. Amanda

27 September 2003

[I think I overplucked my eyebrows]

You know how when, before you do something "drastic" -- like cut your hair shorter or whatever -- you consult the significant other and -- one way or another -- get an indirect approval, which usually results in him or her saying, "baby, whatever you do is fine," and so you think, "cool, it's not like I needed his or her approval, but it's nice to know he or she doesn't mind;" but then months later, he or she mentions -- kind of in a mopey way -- that he or she preferred you pre- "drastic" change, and then you wonder, "why the hell didn't you just say something, dork?" Really. I've been in this process of cutting my hair for almost a year now. A year ago my mane was about halfway down my back, when ironed straight, now it grazes the area between my chin and my collarbone. I didn't chop it all at once, on one hasty manic afternoon. It's been "in the works," you see. An inch here, three inches there, another two here. It's not like he didn't see it coming! I think the reason behind why he -- and most people in general -- get all "emotional" and "involved" with my hair length is because of the goddamned color. As if being a redhead -- and being a "good" redhead at that (Tricia will understand what I mean, if no one else does) -- comes with another price besides the hell I received as a child: I MUST, as if nature will want it no other way, keep my hair as long as possible. For everyone else's fucking benefit. Am I being ridiculous, or what? I mean, this isn't the first time I've been in this situation. Hell, guys I've dated who PREFERRED girls with shorter hair have whined and protested at the mere thought of me cutting (or even trimming my locks). From what I've gathered, I am not permitted to dye, highlight, cut, overwash, SHAVE (yeah, I don't get that one), or swim (chlorine + red = quite a scare). Bah. I'm glad I'm a puppet.

24 September 2003

[Humility doesn't start with a big hat]

At your first day of Fall quarter at what I like to call "Thirteenth Grade," there are a few things you should keep in mind, to make sure the day runs smoothly. By all means, do not follow my example by, 1) Leaving early. Why? Because you'll get stuck in traffic anyway, and for some God awful reason travelers on Ronald Reagan highway don't quite get that there are reasons why the speed limit is only fifty-five; 2) Trying to jimmy into a spot, made far too tiny by adjacent double- parkers on both side. Why? You, see, while, yes, you have a parking permit for the faculty lot -- which you have to pay for -- students, at this point don't quite get that they cannot park in the yellow- marked stalls, leaving you defenseless in the student/visitor lot and vulnerable to those who can't seem to park in one spot. And while you maneuver your car, trying to fit the spot, you back into another, which is backing out of a spot behind yours. And this dill-hole that you hit -- despite the fact that the damage to his car can be rubbed out with "mother's" spit (the four-Oh-nine of the natural world) -- still wants to file a report; 3)Asking for the "office" key. Why? Because people in the offices -- those with *maybe* associates degrees -- who get much better pay and health benefits than you (the person with three fucking worthless sheets of paper)don't *like* to do their job when it involves young people or "transient" folks like myself, and show this by rolling their eyes and pointing like a third grade teacher. Also, by the time you get the "office" key, you will realize the result was not worth the hassle, as the "office" (a shared "cell" for adjuncts) provides nothing more than way-outdated computers sans printer (so now you have to print out Essay #1 requirements in the student computer lab); 4)Holding a conversation with another adjunct in the hall. Why? Because some "tenured" old bitch who SERIOUSLY needs a boot in the cunt, will yell at you and your colleague because "[they're (the cunt and her classroom)] enjoying your conversation [in "their" precious space]." TWO WORDS: Doors Close. Who actually thinks that a busy hallway next to a staircase is going to be perpetually void of talking people? Especially when there is a table and vending machines -- two things that invite congregations of two or more folks? I exacted some revenge on my day by printing out fifty copies in the student computer lab -- a clear violation of computer lab rules. I don't feel much better though.

20 September 2003

[Secret Single Behavior]

In the event that you find yourself alone for, pretty much, an entire Saturday, here are some things you might want to do, to keep yourself occupied: Sleep late, because, well, no one demands anything productive out of you in the morning hours; Take a long shower, as no one else (in the entire building) will be needing hot water anytime soon; Visit your mother, because she just might send you off with groceries and a sample Lancome perfume, Tresor, that you lust after; Eat an entire box of Macaroni and Cheese, not because you particularly enjoy the Epicurean delight, but because it was included with the groceries your mother sent home with you; Wear a mud mask, because even while alone, your pores are still there; Drink an entire pot of coffee, and sweeten it with non-dairy Cool-Whip; Masturbate, and take your time doing so, so you do it right (there's no one in the adjacent room, or in the adjacent apartment for that matter); Sit in a bath of Mr. Bubbles and contemplate shaving the few pubic hairs you have left; And last but not least, Sit around in a bath towel, watch football, and check your email twenty times. If you feel academic, pick up a book, but stay in the bath towel, just in case the Jehovah's Witnesses come around.

16 September 2003

[grumble]

Oh crap. [/grumble]

11 September 2003

[411 Please]

My ex, ex boyfriend -- who has a kid despite his inability to take care of himself -- gave the kind folks at UC Hospital MY phone number instead of his own. So now the billing department has left two messages for him on my voice mail; they're probably trying to collect payments for his kid's boosters or something (dear lord, I hope he at least gets booster shots for his kid, because they -- he, his girlfriend who is twenty years younger than him, and his kid -- are probably living in some rat-infested warehouse space reeking of scurvy and tetanus and cooties (yes, I realize you can't *catch* scurvy). God, I know how to pick 'em. This idiot never lived with me at my current residence. In fact, I haven't been with him in almost five years. Why he thinks he can use my number is beyond me.

03 September 2003

[Note:]

My computer is sick. Hopefully the folks at Best Buy will return her to me healthy. Until then, I will be silent, which is probably for the better, as I'm in studying hell. Also, I might be hired as a full-time adjunct, so I need to prepare for a fourth class. Ta-ta for now Last but not least: Jason, thanks for the CDs. You are a lifesaver.