| 28 November 2003 |
| [All I want for Christmas is a Chia Pet] |
| I got a new computer, monitor, and printer this morning. Ralph took
my old computer, monitor, and printer, as well as my old computer
desk (a perfectly good desk, but too big for my taste). I'm going
to putchase a simple, black desk from stacksandstacks. My bedroom
is a bit on the disorganized side right now, and my livingroom is
littered with boxes and random stuff that was once stored in my old
desk. I will never be out of debt. Ever. |
| 26 November 2003 |
| [In Cincinnati, it's not Christmas until the Klan cross goes up!] |
| After dismissing my one o' clock Comp. 102 class, I headed to Kenwood
Towne Centre and had a sandwich and coffee at Panera. Though I intended
to sit and read for a while, the crowds of Christmas sheep were far
too loud and boisterous (did I just happen to miss Thanksgiving?),
so I decided, after finishing my coffee, watching mall goers in my
voyeuristic way, and making a "To Do" list for the weekend,
to take a stroll into Parisian, where I purchased "Spicy orange"
Lip Dimension at the Lancome counter and groped the leather boots
posed so sexily (a word, yes) in the shoe department. I, then, made
rounds of the first and second floor, hitting Lazarus for some fishnets,
black/orange pinstripe tights, and black over-the-knee boot liners
(bought with a gift certificate, which had been yelling "spend
me" for a few days now), browsing Walden Books for a gift for
the soon to one-year-old "Syd the Kyd" (Melissa's daughter),
and continuing, all the while, my voyeuristic habits of taking note
of mall hair (it's still out there!), former high school classmates
(I saw two who still appeared as if they had their heads up their
asses), and just plain ugly people (Cincinnati has plenty to offer!).
On top of it all, I purchased a non-dairy smoothie, how cliche. I should have canceled class today, as most of my students decided to cancel their classes. The parking lot was relatively empty this morning; it was apparent that many professors decided to play hooky today as well. I still have about thirty minutes to kill before my six o' clock class. Thank God I only have one more week of this bullshit. I don't want to return next quarter, but as the "Annual Adjunct," I'm committed. Two English adjuncts are not returning next quarter; I have a hunch as to who they are, but I'm not sure. Between the lousy pay, paycheck screw-ups, and overall working conditions, I don't blame them. I guess that's why the PhD is so appealing, but even after earning a PhD -- especially at the illustrious University of Cincinnati -- one is not guaranteed a spot as a "real" professor, let alone a tenured position. Editing textbooks is starting to look real good. As is murder -- in jail I will be provided with food and shelter AND medical care. How fancy. |
| 23 November 2003 |
| [She is not going to the park to teeter totter. -- Dr. Phil] |
| I dusted my apartment over the last two days, not very thoroughly,
but enough to visually make a difference and to definitely stir my
sinuses. I figure I better start cleaning now to make my place presentable
for GRADING BLOODBATH 2003, which will be taking place December 13th.
I also need to purchase martini glasses, and I need to get on the
ball about repainting my bathroom. If it snows overnight, well, I don't know what I'll do. As long as I can make it to work without encountering NON DRIVING MOTHER FUCKERS on I-75 and Ronald Reagan Highway. Hell, what am I smoking? That's inevitable in this city. Upcoming is Week Ten of the quarter. Next week is the last week I have to sit in the same room with my English 102 and Preparatory Reading and Writing II students (I have to meet with my Preparatory Composition student during exam week to return their portfolios and inform them of their "status" -- whether they passed or failed). Every time I see a Victoria's Secretions ad, I want to puke. And every time I see Kobe Bryant on television, I want to slap him. How the fuck could he cheat on his fine-ass wife with a piece o' trash like that? Then again, I think I'd be perfectly honest with a cheating NBA husband, as long as he took care of me (and my whims) financially and as long as he wore a rubber. Arrh, my skin looks like shit. That's what I get for cleaning this dusty place! In other news, the Paris Hilton video is laughable. Paris doesn't look very good in bed, and she seems more interested in the camera and her phone. If I were a guy, I wouldn't want to do it with her. She has no ass! I bet Nicole Kidman and Lenny Kravitz have crazy sex. I bet she's a closet freakazoid! Okay, I need to go to bed. |
| 23 November 2003 |
| [Menippean Sature and Blue Light Specials] |
| The University of Cincinnati expects departments and faculty to
adopt families during the holiday season, and as a result, I have
taken it upon myself to request that an "Adopt an Adjunct"
program be enforced by school administration. Come this Thanksgiving weekend, there will be fliers -- posted on announcement boards and inserted in CityBeats and NewsRecords -- announcing this new program (complete with age-appropriate wish lists and sizing information), which will help bring a joyful Christmas season to a poor, overworked, underpaid University instructor. |
| 23 November 2003 |
| [We'll return to football in just a moment] |
| I know this is bad, but I hate the holiday season. Really. |
| 20 November 2003 |
| [All in All a Good Night] |
| I had a quiet anniversary of my birth, which included a trip to
the grocery, dinner with my parents, a glass of wine, and a variety
of miscellaneous chores. I think the highlight of this day was the
fact that I had no papers to grade and no books to study: my brain
cells were permitted to revel in game shows and soap operas. Perhaps,
since I did receive a bit o' money for my birthday, I will actually
go out and do something, maybe head to the Warehouse or Jacob's tomorrow
night. Oooh, trans-dermal testosterone. Yummay! I guess you'd have to be here. |
| 20 November 2003 |
| [Insomnia becomes her.] |
| I was in bed by eleven; I've been up since two-thirty. I always
knew there was a reason why I generally don't go to sleep before two.
If I had gas in my car, I'd go for a drive, perhaps make a trek to CVS to test all the imposter perfumes. I'm a drugstore whore. |
| 20 November 2003 |
| [Motivation?] |
| I came home from yet another grueling twelve hour day of "academia"
(several students dropped today, a high point, indeed), and despite
the fact that I was terribly hungry around 9:45pm (having only consumed
a plain bagel and black coffee all day), I decided that eating was
a bad idea thanks to the Victoria's Secretions "fashion"
show, which most likely aired to remind the rest of us of our stretch
marks and love handles. Seriously folks, I should have taped the fucking show, so that every time I get a nighttime craving, I would be motivated to either run ten miles or puke my stomach lining. In other news, tomorrow (actually today) is my birthday: I am older than I've ever been. Ten years ago, the thought of making it to twenty-six would have left me in stitches. Good thing I cleaned up my act (a bit). I'm not sure if I'll go out, as money and work issues will most likely keep me at home. One of my students came in sick tonight. She said she might have pneumonia. If you don't hear from me for a while, I'll probably be dead. UC needs to provide adjuncts with medical insurance, especially since work is a fucking health hazard. |
| 18 November 2003 |
| [Apartment woes.] |
| My bathroom seriously needs painted. I'm considering doing it myself.
If I bring it to my landlord's attention, he won't get around for
two weeks, and he'll either send the painter over here on a day that
I'm not home or he'll bust into my apartment as I'm half naked and
scurrying to the back door (not to open it but to prevent him from
barging in after only knocking once). However, the old bathroom paint needs to be scraped completely (even from the ceiling). Layers and layers have been peeling off the walls for about three years now. Recently, the ceiling paint has started to seriously fall down. I'm not up for making a huge mess (I'm not up for cleaning it up!). Plus, there appears to be some damage to the wall behind the sink, as it is buckling a bit. Perhaps I will call old Larry and tell him to send someone. |
| 18 November 2003 |
| [Off to Cheap Beds and Furniture! Ahoy!] |
| I might have to purchase a small futon. Seven people, so far, have
committed their December 13th to my ENGLISH 102 GRADING PARTAY! I
cannot expect people to sit on the floor! Some rearranging might be
in order. I still can't believe that so many people actually want to do this. I will probably have a good chunk of grading done before the 13th (grades, I think, are due the following Monday, and I don't want to find myself too overwhelmed at the end). But then again, I might not, depending on how many students actually turn in Research Papers and Final Portfolios. Only thirty of my registered forty-six students turned in Essay #3; less than that are showing up regularly. If wise (though wisdom is rarely found among my "college" students), six or seven of my "regularly" attending students will drop, as they are miserably failing. |
| 17 Novmber 2003 |
| [It'll be Shweet!] |
| Here is the working guest list for GRADING BLOODBATH FALL 2003 (echo
2003, 2003),which will be taking place December 13th (time is still
up in the air). vivaboheme pixiepoof ubiquitousnewt erictragedy psychichearts kyrin mavra_chang and mannikin have expressed interest in joining us. eciklb would come, but she has dissertation-related matters. idioticpoet will be present in spirit. |
| 16 November 2003 |
| [Paper Grading Extravaganza] |
| Have your pencils sharpened and your red pens uncapped on Saturday,
December 13th. I will provide Skyy vodka (as well as Triple Sec, REAL
lime juice, and cranberry juice -- for Cosmos and those of us fearing
a pending UTI), beer, and cheap Merlot. I will probably also get some
random snack-type food (we can order something, also). vivaboheme,
pixiepoof, and ubiquitousnewt and some others have expressed interest
in |
| 15 November 2003 |
| [Ah downtown I will go] |
| I'm meeting Joe, Jamie, Melissa, and Laura at Carol's. I will be
the redhead with the Cosmopolitan i.v. attached to her left arm. Jamie
will be the brunette doing the very same thing. Jamie and I are planning on handing over our exam notes to Joe and Melissa. This will be a sacred time, indeed! |
| 14 November 2003 |
| [Blue Books and Carpal Tunnel |
| I didn't hear about my exam today. If I pass, the department secretary will call me; if I don't, the department head or the graduate head will. Ms. Loomis, the secretary, said Jamie and I will, most likely, hear from her on Monday. Part of me deems this silly exam as a mere rite of passage. The fact that one student walked out of the room (she was still on question one as I finished number three) makes me feel better about the whole thing. But then again, other people's failures generally act as fuel for my well-being. However, I should be happy even without considering other people's downfalls: I studied for almost six months, and each of my essays was at least four pages long -- one was eight pages. I had a lot to say about each topic, and I wish I could have said more! Perhaps I was too prepared. Perhaps I am rambling nonsensically. |
| 14 November 2003 |
| [I don't get paid enough for this shit] |
| When I collect final portfolios for my English 102 students, I'm
going to have a grading party. I will purchase alcohol and have people
come over and to help circle grammatical errors on my students' papers
(Here, I will be honest: I pretty much already know what my students
are going to earn, and the purpose of the marks is to create the illusion
that I read everything). This will take place the second week of December. Anyone interested should drop me a line here. Be sure to name favorite alcoholic beverage as well. I am completely serious about this. And for those of you who think this is wrong, let me reiterate: I teach more classes than most full-time professors (the people who make 50k/year) and I make less than $400/week BEFORE taxes. On top of that, the grading load for an English Composition professor is tedious. In my English Composition II classes, I collect three 4-6 page papers, one 10 page research paper, twenty journal entries, and a final portfolio (with two essays, two journals, and one letter) PER student. "Literature" professors (the tenured people who earn real money and benefits) generally collect only two major essays from each student per quarter. I should have been a math professor: I got through Calculus 4 AND I know how to use a Scan Tron machine. If only our paychecks came with some superlube. My asshole is awfully sore. |
| 14 November 2003 |
| [Sam Adams Octoberfest: $2.49/6pk at IGA] |
| And, in other news, a report of a sexual assault on UC's campus was found to be false. Thanks, whoever you are who wants everyone to be paranoid. Thanks. |