29 January 2002

[Poems and Pulp]

it's tuesday and i'm doing my sunday report. i had a stomach bug sunday which left me in a phantasmagorical state somewhere between sleep plagued with weird dreams and awake interrupted by random heaves. that's what i get for working in a school: a sunday of sickness. what a way to spend the last day of the weekend. i was planning on doing homework - but no. my belly had different plans. not to stray. but i think i'm going to nix the white background for next month's journal. well, my pulp fiction quiz is officially complete, save some of the "descriptions." i'll get around to that tonite. the quiz can be visited at pyrrha.org/pulp. i've gotten quite a few compliments on it. but that probably doesn't mean shit. this is the third week of the semester - the countdown continues! i have a half finished poem in my shakespeare folder. i really need to complete it. put some closure to the shit that i'm referring to. i was thinking about it today and it's as if there's an open sore in my brain - a small one, not painful, just annoying. well, i guess i pryed it open with the first three stanzas of this poem i was writing, and i know, that by completing it, the wound will be stitched up, making an attactive little scar to accompany the gashes and nicks that adorn my thoughts on a regular basis.

28 January 2002

[It Never Ends]

well, the whole plagiarism issue i was fighting with - well it's back. i thought my judgement would be trusted by those higher than me. well, i guess not. i gave the s.o.b. an F - he rightly deserved it - plagiarism or not. well, today, some student mediator called me concerning the child. and i'm sure he's wants to set up some time to meet with me about it. too fucking bad. it's over. my contract is up. i don't have to answer to anyone. if the purpose of this guy's talking to me is to tell me how wrong i am in failing this kid and not going through with the plagiarism hearing,then i'm gonna tell him to shove it. i had every right to fail that brat - i had several reasons. plagiarism. dishonesty. behavior. disrespect toward me and other students. this is a bunch of fucking bullshit. there goes my blood pressure.

22 January 2002

[There is a Cat Sitting in My Lap]

i really ought to cheer up.

22 January 2002

[Shakin' It for Pocket Change]

sometimes i really want to quit school. i enjoyed being an undergrad. in fact, i think i had more freedom then than i do now - even in my english classes. everything is so formulaic now. you either do it or you don't. no grey area to mold in your hands. no room to really think for yourself because, well, everything has already been thought, written, and published by some hoity toity scholar who makes up for his lack of girth with his ego and the prefix before his name. fuck all dat. (whoa, did i just say "dat"? he-he, i said "girth.") goddamn, even this feminist shit i'm reading is so fucking ri-cock-ulous. i think i'm going to be sick. only some elite white woman would even think up the female utopia. that's not true. most men dream of the female utopia - i.e. the playboy mansion (which, let me add, i'd much rather visit than the places i've been reading about). i thank god that i'm not 100% white. that i'm not some intellectual jerk off. that i don't follow the masses. that george w. is NOT my president. that i'm sick of hearing god bless america. that my red hair does not mean i'm fucking irish (no offense to those who are). that there's a bit of mohawk indian in me. that i have something *else* to cling to in terms of my heritage (not that i'm not proud of my german blood - i am!) that i like beer dammit. that i can belch with the best of them. that i like to fuck. that there is more to my world than the shit they try to shovel down my throat. that i don't agree with it. that, sometimes, i just don't get it. that sometimes, i do get it. that i am oblivious. that i am paranoid. that i don't care if i'm rambling at this point. please excuse me - i'm gonna go skin someone.

19 January 2002

[A Semester is How Many Weeks?]

i'm already counting down the weeks until the semester is over. geesh. taking a semester off of school was not a good idea - but, in reality i had no real choice in the matter. anyway, in order to prepare for the toils of the next 17 weeks of hell, i went ahead and started to read one of the prescribed texts for my feminism and literature class. Herland was tolerable; definitely a quick read. and that, my friends, was probably the good part about it. my response to the novel: there is no way in fucking hell a utopian all female society like that i read about could ever, ever exist. yes, i realize that any utopian society can never exist in reality. but the mere fact that this author thought to create such a happy group of amazonian women was beyond me. i wouldn't want to live in that society. conflict the spice of life. i'd much rather experience all hell breaking loose than play a lyre on some heavenly cloud. women are bad. we are. we start problems. and we don't need men to initiate them. right now, i'm reading Millenium Hall a much more "realistic" female utopia. it's not as quick of a read as the other book, but definitely much more interesting. at least i don't find myself gagging.

16 January 2002

[Too Late for Apologies]

one two fuck you! After an amusing game of Beavis and Butthead "Do U," I am once more in my regressed, non-cerebral, non-caring mode. I started school . . . again . . . after taking a semester off. Hopefully this semester will be it. IT, dammit. Seriously folks - oh FUCK - I'm using capital letters. Tueday nights I have Shakespeare, Thursdays Feminism and Literature. If I were a good student, I would have come home and read. Alas, I am not. Opting to play video games, design a little, and listen to Type O Negative, I have seriously (seriously!) desided to step back from design - for a bit - reserve it for weekends. SO if I don't update or rant or whatever during the week, it's because I'm trying to be studious. We'll see . . .

13 January 2002

[<question>]

to geek or not to geek</question>

13 January 2002

[*]

to my surprise, this week went pretty well - despite a couple setbacks, one of which being the fact that my financial aid did not get through. a crises - yes, but a fixable one. i reapplied for financial aid for this semester; the office told me that i will be able to get the money i need for school, but it will take three weeks or so. in the mean time, i hope that the bursar doesn't can my schedule. getting back into my classes shouldn't be a big deal, but it will be a slight hassle for me. getting add forms signed and whatnot is a pain in my side that i hoped to leave behind once i reached the world of graduate school. life never ceases to amaze me. Tom just returned with a junked computer that was out on the street a block from my apartment. we drove by it a couple time and it sparked his interest. needless to say, an adventure awaits! actually, the whole thing - besides being incredibly geeky - reminds me of the "old days" when i used to go driving on wednesday nights in search of good trash. i ended up scoring on quite a few occasions in fact. hey, i'm not proud! this week is exam week at the high school. monday thru thursday are shortened days. i only work until 2 or so. friday is an inservice day. monday is off - MLK, jr. day. because things will be fairly low key for me this week in terms of work, i hope to catch up on some reading i've been doing for school (i'm trying to get ahead so i don't fall behind and slack off). i have about forty pages left of Herland to read - i should have finished it this weekend, but i was a bad student. i've had to put down Bitch in order to start my school reading; once i feel that i'm ahead enough, i'll pick it back up again.

08 January 2002

[Pill Poppin and Sitting Straigh]

because i have seemed to "stick" with my so-called new years resolution,i guess i shall make public what i have resolved to do (or what i have been doing). sounds minor, i know, but i have resolved to take my vitamins everyday and work on better posture (which actually, i'm not dwelling on right now as i sitt here all hunched over). i often forget to eat well, which is bad, yes. and i feel it, trust me. lately i've been feeling icky, having no energy by the time i get off work. i don't eat breakfast (unless you count coffee) and i rarely (i mean really rarely) eat lunch. when i get home, i'm either a) too tired or preoccupied to eat at all or b) so hungry that i eat the first thing i see, which 9 times out of 10, isn't the best thing in the world. yes, i realize i ought to work on my eating habits, rather than try to make up for my ways with a horse pill of vitamins and minerals (the iron, i think, is making me sick in ways i'd rather not go into). the whole posture thing is hard for me. i'm always at a desk it seems - at work, at school, at home - and my back gets so sore. i can feel it getting weak. when i was an undergraduate, i walked to school, which was a big trek uphill. with the help of my 30 pound backpack and my quick walk, my back got fairly strong. i had well-defined back muscles - my trapezials were actually quite big (not freakishly large like a bodybuilder's, though). i can barely hold myself up. so everyday, when i feel myself slouching - i try to pick myself up - stick out that chest, pull in that stomach! it's easier to do in tight clothing. but when i'm in the shit i wear to work, it's easy to let it slide - afterall, it's not like i'm trying to impress anyone. i've had bad posture for quite sometime - i don't want to end up a hunched over old lady. i was toying with the thought of buying a corset to wear everyday until i got into the habit of sitting up straight. ha! i could take my freaky ways to work with me - might as well be taking a bull whip and platform stilletos . . .

06 January 2002

[More Sunday Ick]

well, i'm officially experiencing a case of the sunday blues. this upcoming work week will be the first five days that i have worked consecutively. damn that christmas break. though i needed it and all, break seems to do nothing but promote sheer lack of enthusiasm about work and productivity. in a couple weeks, i go back to grad school. i'm not thrilled about that either. i should have been done with both of my graduate degrees last summer. but, it seems as if the university i am currently attending doesn't really care about their students waiting an entire year to take one fucking course. soon, there will be closure. perhaps this will make me a better person.

02 January 2002

[Yay for Teeth]

last week i got a little paranoid. i saw a brown spot on my lower left canine tooth and sorta flipped, thinking that i might have a cavity. let me bring you up to speed. in my 24 years of existence, i have never had a cavity, i have never needed braces. the only dental trauma i have ever experienced is getting my wisdom teeth pulled (they were impacted) - which was hardly traumatic. i rather enjoyed floating around in a cloud of lortab. anyhoo, upon finding this blotch on my tooth, i immediately began to kick myself - after all, it was me who cancelled my scheduled cleaning and exam appointment 3 months ago because i was too busy. so for the past week, i was dreading the visit. but as soon as i sat in the chair today, i told the technician that i thought i had a cavity. she immediately looked at the tooth and confirmed that my gum had receded a bit - nothing to worry about. it seems as if i just need a softer brush. good for me. i'm now mulling around the thought of getting my teeth bleached. is this vain or what?