30 December 2001

[What's That Smell?]

it's hard to believe that 2002 is less than two days away. jeesh. i hope to have some sort of zany new years eve plans. last year i stayed at home, on the computer ominously enough. and it seems as if this year has been dominated by the electronic world. my new year's resolution is to cut back on my time spent on the pc. thought, i don't surf the web that much, i do find myself getting wrapped up in photoshop and html, which , unfortunately is causing me a lot of unwanted eyestrain and stress. because i'm going back to school this semester, i figure it would be a good idea to step back from the web and design a little. i will continue to update my scribble journal every day (or so). i will update this journal once a week. for the most part, my major sites will remain untouched. i'm happy with my current designs, so it's not a big deal. hopefully, if this resolution works out, i will also become more apt to work out and read and write. once i get my laptop out of the pawn shop, i think my writing output will increase - my catllike attention span doesn't allow me to type for very long without wandering into photoshop or the web. my laptop, bereft of such "fancy" software and connections (only has a 56k modem) is great for word processing (don't get me wrong, it is a kickass laptop capable of doing the same things my pc is capable of doing) and binge typing sessions. i will become more productive! now that i've explained in so many roundabout words what my new year's resolution is, well . . . er . . . i don't know. i guess i'm lost for words. getting over a headache, i'm not really in the mood to type or think. i think i had a bad beer last night (does that make sense?). i went to krogers last night in search of some alcohol, and was happy to see that killeans was on sale. well, after getting a headache after one beer i realized just why the beer was on sale - it must have been old, past its prime (in beer time anyway, whatever the hell that is). after consuming a concoction of coffee, advil, and tylenol a couple hours ago, i am started to feel much better. yesterday, i completed part of my "Which Pulp Fiction Character Are You" Quiz. I have a female quiz completed. I'll get around to the male quiz next week. there are simply too many good characters in that movie. i thought that in just making one quiz, i would have to dilute some of the questions and answers so that some of the choices would cover more than one character. granted, i'll have to do that with the male quiz, because i'm using nine characters, but it won't be so difficult. what else have i done? i ordered my books from barnes and nobles; they should be here on the 3rd or 4th. i graded four research papers today - 2 b's and 2 c's. not bad. not great, either. i'm mulling over getting a haircut . . . i think i'll wait until the 5th - money's sorta tight. i want to go out new year's - gotta have my priorities!

27 December 2001

[Moral Dilemma(?)]

on the 2nd, i'm heading up to that university (which i will keep nameless) to do a grade change, from an F or a D, and perhaps fail a student who now has an incomplete - this particular child has an incomplete because he plagiarized. and because i can't give him an official F until we have had a plagiarism hearing to determine his guilt, he spends his christmas break in peace with his family. hell, his family probably thinks i'm some incompetant fool because i couldn't get his grade in on time. perhaps if they knew he plagiarized and threw a paper at me and turned in his final project late and yelled at me when i defined "self-plagiarism" (the act of recycling a paper), mommy and daddy wouldn't pay for his tuition next semester. wouldn't that be a joy? so i have this dillemma. give the kid an F or pursue this plagiarism hearing. without sufficient "evidence" i have nothing. the kid's high school teacher doesn't recall the recycled paper entirely. however, she did tell me that this particular student never wrote a paper on Medicare (the subject of the paper in question). however, some other student, a girl in an honors/gifted program did - this would account for the fact that the paper is written well. in all honesty, i don't care - about this hearing, about my lack of "evidence" against the kid, about the stupid university i worked at last semester. experiencing such upper-crust egotism topped with ignorance makes me want to walk away from this institution forever and forget about the plagiarism issue, no matter how serious it is. hell, i don't want to see this kid get away with it now, or even in the future. i should do something about it - at least talk to the department head one more time. but, in all seriousness, i am tired, done like a cake. my contract is up, my parking pass expired. just received my last direct deposit a few days ago. do i really want to continue this battle when there is little initiative for me, especially when i have another full time job and more grad school coming up in a couple weeks? i strongly believe that we are faced with things for a reason. will just failing this student and not going through with the plagiarism hearing just show my weakness? will it be letting this brat off easy? i realize that i am giving in to an extent by giving the other kid a D, when he originally earned an D. but in reality, he's the loser. if he would have turned his final project in on time, he would have earned a C. but all he wants is a D, so that he can pass. so i'm fine with that. he's still being punished as far as i'm concerned. as for me, i might be giving in, but i had to do it for myself so that he didn't badger me any further with his rant-like e-mails and his grade contesting. sure the e-mails could be classified as some sort of harrassment. and if i had tenure at this university, i'd have no problem dealing with this problem formally, through a hearing or whatever. but as i said, i'm tired. i'm fed up. as far as i'm concerned that kid can rot. i give the department head a brief note as to what my findings are about the plagiarism case. but if that isn't enough evidence, then fuck it. dishonest boy is getting an F. perhaps when he gets busted again (and i'm sure he'll pull the same shit on some other professor), there will be more concrete evidence against him.

26 December 2001

[The 26th]

and another christmas flies by. yesterday, i arrived at my parents' around 10am. We went to my grandparents (on my dad's side), ate, watched tv. pretty low key christmas. my cousin amy, her husband allen, and two of her kids were there. i like kids and all, and amy's kids are adorable, but the older one, josh, had a runny nose and cough. getting sick is not on my agenda. i'm gonna double up on vitamins, tea, and whatever today to insure that i don't come down with anything. but what was kind of odd is that josh lost a tooth yesterday. so i guess he got a visit from the tooth fairy last nite. what a way to top off the holiday! it's not the same when you're an adult . . . around 3:30 or so, we headed over to my other grandmother's. there, i ate (again) with my aunt linda, and her two kids, jake and ericka, my uncle vince, my aunt belinda and uncle mark and their kids, lilly and norman, and my grandmother. i really couldn't eat anything, still stuffed from lunch. but i did have some salad and some random veggies and cheese. it was nice, i must admitt, that we had a no gifts policy this year. so poor folks like me don't feel pressured into buying for others. i did get a microwave from my parents, which i am very happy about; i've needed a new one for about a year now. to top off all the christmas cheer, i was awakened this morning by a construction worker guy in the basement of my building cussing up a storm every time something got fucked up - or every time he fucked up something. what an idiot.

24 December 2001

[To All, A Decent Night]

while another christmas creeps up on me, it never ceases to amaze me how much happier i am now that i officially quit gift giving. you would think that not buying for others - even those who buy for you - would make you at least a little tense or uneasy. but the fact of the matter is that i don't really feel anything at all. i'm not numb, nor am i less spirited than i was the years i bought presents (which isn't saying anything - i lost my holiday joy a long time ago). i guess i'm more relaxed. i haven't spent the last few weeks or months shopping, fighting the crowds or worrying about gifts. my family knows that i'm poor as dirt. i'm not the only one who can't afford to shell out the cash, to contribute the capitalistic message of the season. sure, i'll eat with my family, hang out with my aunts, uncles, and cousins. i'm civil and all, despite my beliefs which are much different than those of my relatives. the 26th will roll around like nothing major ever happened. but that's okay. it'll be like any other family dinner, except there will be a tree in the living room, and perhaps some hokey christmas heartwarming special on the tube. hey, maybe it's just thanksgiving part two. and i am thankful, for many things. thankful that my horrible semester at that all-white, preppy university i will keep unamed is over. thankful that i ate today. thankful that the pizza place screwed up the order and gave me a free pizza. thankful that my gas tank is full. that i don't have a deadbeat ex husband who is on the run. that my cat is pn my lap, purring away. that i found ten dollars worth of quarters today, so that i could do laundry. speaking of which, the dryer should almost be done.

21 December 2001

[Is It January Yet?]

i'd like to relax over this little break. but that will not happen. here i am, wanting it to be january, wanting the university to be back open, so i can rid myself of the mess i've seemed to step into. there is a lesson to be learned: always trust your first gut instinct; don't force yourself to be optimistic . . .

20 December 2001

[Did I Mention . . .]

that i'm on christmas break now. i'm grading papers, but no one is yelling at me. i have no one to answer to. i was hoping to have a completely relaxed evening, but thanks to the arrogance of a former student, it's been amusing in a slightly stressful kind of way. makes me laugh to see how egotistical spoiled brats can be. there's a real world out there, and it ain't pretty. it doesn't consist of girls who all have the same shade of blonde hair and classes where you can get credit for holding a tennis racket properly and bars where they promote underage drinking because date rape is cool. ahhh . . . white boy university.

20 December 2001

[Fuckin' Arrogant Snobs]

i was in a better mood after my little friend stephanie so kindly gave me her perfume. BUT this brief moment of happiness was ruined by one of my former students, a brat i will refrain from naming. i'll try to keep things brief, as i realize that brevity has not been my speciality lately. i failed this kid. he deserved it. his final portfolio and project were late. well, when he found out what his grade was, he flipped, most likely because mommy and daddy were going to take away his jetta. so he e-mailed me and ranted - bad grammar and all - about his grade and how he deserved better. well, when he received his portfolio in the mail later that day, he realized why he earned the grade he did: the baffoon he appointed to turn in his papers was late in doing so. late papers earn %50 percent of the possible grade - at most. i found this to be very disrespectful on his part, for several reasons, which i won't go into here. so i hacked his participation grade by one point, so fucking what?? well, he whined like a baby, and i gave in. why, because i'm tired of that place. i'm tired of the students and the fucking liberal arts curriculum which allows freshmen to take jerkoff classes like tennis and iceskating. all he wanted was a D, so i said, "fuckit." i'll change his grade a.s.a.p. so i can be done with all the bullshit i've had to deal with over the last semester. as much as i'd like to go into the greusome details (i've probably said far too much as it is), i better not. gotta be somewhat professional, i guess.

20 December 2001

[My Angel]

ok, so i bitched a lot about how disrespectful and thickheaded high school kids are. they still are. but i am in a slightly better mood. stephanie, this darling little red-headed girl, gave me a sample spray bottle of Angel, her choice of perfume. very lovely. i complemented her on it a couple days ago and then today. what a little sweety. i told her about my quest for bulgari; she understood my need. what a great kid.

20 December 2001

[Bah Humbug]

is it just me, or does xmas time seem to give fools the license to act like whiney brats? high school kids regress into five year olds who need their hands held through everything, no matter how miniscle. and when they don't get their way, they throw a fit. and it always, "YOUR FAULT" if something goes wrong. working in a high school has pretty much confirmed that i don't like kids. thank god i decided not to go through with being a full blown high school teacher. yes, college freshman are bad. but when they give you crap, you can make them feel really bad by reminding them that they are ADULTS, kicking them out of class . . . without the hassle of dealing with parents or referrals or detentions. yay. granted, my college freshman were disrespectful little shits . . . but i only had to deal with them for a semester. happy holidays to all those brats who give hardworking adults hell. i hope you get nothing but coal and reindeer dung in your stockings this year. in other news, i went shopping last nite. bought a couple pairs of black pants, a black skirt (which needs to be hemmed three inches or so), a hoodie, a long sweater (both reddish-maroon), a turtleneck (a funky teal color), two cute shirts with horizontal stripes (one has a red-headed fairy on it), a hat for Tom, a computer game for Tom, and power puff girl game for me (which, unfortunately sucks. i think i'm going to take it back.). if anyone wants to contribute to the perfume fund - i'm wanting to buy Bulgari (a green tea-like perfume)- let me know. the stuff is expensive. perhaps i'll get a paypal link up here for those who feel like being generous. i'm pretty poor. maybe i can help you out with a tax break. who knows.

18 December 2001

[Irritated, But Smiling]

i hate that i feel i have to censor myself on the web. that's what good ol' pen and paper is for i guess. though i'm tempted to do some exploiting, i better not. i'll wait until i my paycheck clears on december 31st. don't want to get myself in trouble with my employers. as if i'd ever be found out. but it's not as if i'm going to say anything too horrible. screw it. before i continue, let me just say that plagiarism is stupid. over the last year or so, i've heard so much on the web about people stealing other people's codes and designs and art work and so forth. i nearly forgot about plagiarism in academia. and, stupid me, failed to prepare myself for this type of dishonesty among students at a 99% upper-class, white university, which i'd rather not name right now (i'm still waiting for a paycheck from them, and i might have to attend a plagiarism hearing in january). anyhoo, i taught at this pseudo ivy league prep university last semester where i experienced nothing but the arrogance and ignorance. though i expected it, i tried to have a positive attitude about this university and this job teaching freshman composition. hell, it payed well. all the stereotypes surrounding this university came to life for me two nights a week in the form of whining, tardyness, more whining, poor writing, patronizing comments on peers' drafts, more whining . . . just sad. my students thought they were all perfect. they drove me nuts. i even had to yell at one of my students in front of the entire class - a typical high school situation if you ask me. these kids had their egos stroked their entires lives. the fact that they were accepted into this university made their heads swell even more. both heads. i hope my grades resulted in few scholarships getting revoked. anyway, this lazy s.o.b. thought he could fool me, turning in a paper written last year by someone else at his high school, someone much smarter than him, who could actually write when a college student throws his paper at you and yells like a stoned-jerk and insists that he wrote it last year (he admits to self-plagiarism. duh), you know he has no business being in college or being an adult. and this is just part of my current situation. i've been carrying on this dialogue via e-mail with this child's high school teacher concerning his paper. if i can get a brief written statement in which she says, "yes, this student turned this paper in last year for me" or "this student took this paper from one of his classmates last year" i can continue with the official procedings. rather, this lady wants to beat around the bush. she wants to talk about it like it needs to be discussed. i'm too busy to care about her feelings on the topic. i'm in graduate school working my ass off to pay bills, working multiple jobs and intaking enough caffeine to read analyze shakespeare and various other dead authors (i enjoy it, really). she makes herself out to be too busy to help me out, but i think she's beating around the bush, perhaps protecting her own ass. what she doesn't realize (or she doesn't want to admitt) is that this kid had to have learned this shit from someone. or perhaps he didn't learn anything about plagiarism. maybe he snowed her last year and she never knew it. what an ignoramus. wow, this is fragmented. but it needed to be said. now, i will open my notebook and really go off.

17 December 2001

[Must Stop Biting my Lip]

this weekend, while grading my students' portfolios, i bit a whole in my lip. it's my ouchie nervous habit, knawing on my lip. now i can't stop messing with the sore. i need to think happy thoughts.

16 December 2001

[I am so counting down . . .]

the days until christmas break. as much as i am unenthused about the holidays at this point in my life, i do find peace in knowing that i will be away from high school students for over a week. just what i need right now. i just finished grading my college students' final portfolios and projects. some were fabulous. others were okay. a few were downright awful. three brats turned their projects in late. oddly enough, they failed. hmmmmmm. one decided not to turn one in (perhaps he turned it in too late to be fedexed to me with the others). he failed to. no suprises here. then there's that one girl, who only showed up a few times and never had the sense to drop the course. big fat fucking F. Muahahahahaha! i get so much joy out of this, it's pathetic. unfortunately, i have discovered that i really don't have the time to keep up with the journal. as lame as it sounds, i am going to start keeping a sunday journal, the sunday times if you will. with grad school starting up for me again soon, i just don't see how i will have the time. on the upside, however, i will be starting up a journal at scribble.nu. and i will be posting in that everyday, i promise. in all actuality, i will probably have more updates and so forth now that i've decided to go with the ease of scribble dot nu! yay. it'll be easier to deal with at work. so whenever i have something i really need to bitch about right then on the spot, i can jump onto scribble, rant a little, and let it go. beats having to log into my server from work, which is what i normally do.

12 December 2001

[Eight More Days]

until christmas break. i picked up my students' portfolios after work. three of my delinquent scholars failed to turn a portfolio in. the deadline was 4:30; i waited around until 4:45. it just warms my heart knowing these fuckers failed themselves. i did not do it. i've given my students ample opportunities to earn a good final grade. hell, it's technically possible to do do an average job on the major papers and still pull an A minus. i just don't understand why people let opportunities just go by. in other news, i'm having issues with a high school teacher who is apparently protecting a former student, the chode i busted plagiarizing. but until everthing is final, i will refrain from badmouthing others on the internet. no need for me to start trouble just yet. later. later. over break, i'm going to work on finding my brain cells. i need to prep myself for classes spring semester. oh joy.

09 December 2001

[Sunday Blahs]

happy sunday morning, girls and boys! perhaps if i start my day on some sort of optimistic kick, then i won't come down with those sunday blues - when, you're reminded, sadly, that the weekend is indeed over and that the alarm will be set tonite. the mere thought that christmas break is in the near future (only nine more days) is keeping me going. it seems as if sundays are the only days in which i am able to keep this journal. perhaps i should just make it official. i think i'm going to run out and get some coffee. maybe a bagel or donut or something. i have yet to bitch about the student i busted a couple weeks ago. jerkoff tried to get away with turning in a recycled paper. because he is an adult, not a juvenile like most of the high school students i work with, i could just go ahead and exploit him. but part of me tells me that isn't good idea. not now anyway. i'll wait until the hearing is over - after he's convicted. perhaps i should make a site for teachers where there are resources and tips to help bust plagiarists.

02 December 2001

[Hang Nails and Tinsel]

is it the countdown until christmas and new years already? i'm thinking about buying a little tree today. my cats will like that. in other news, i took my comprehensive exam yesterday. took the entire 3 hours. My hand is recuperating. i used to be able to write all day, but with this whole computer thing, i've grown accustomed to typing. i ought to try to get myself to write at least a couple hours a day to prepare me for my next comp, which seems so far away, but i know it will creep up on me like this one did. i can't believe it's almost 2002.